You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
