im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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