I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
