none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
