I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
