I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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