his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
