I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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