He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need water and some morals
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
