She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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