I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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