I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
