We named our party play list daddy issues
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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