is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
