He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
