i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
