Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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