she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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