i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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