Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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