i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
