dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
