Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
