I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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