The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
