is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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