he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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