My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
