i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
whose parrot is this?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
