i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
