Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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