Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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