well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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