I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
