Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
