my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
