i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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