It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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