she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize