No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
