I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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