you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
