So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
