Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
