1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
