I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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