It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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