I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
