I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
