office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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