It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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