Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
