genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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