News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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