saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
