At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
