Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
