Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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