in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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