You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need water and some morals
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
