wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
