There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
