He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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