Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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